This
Kind of Blue
It takes a minute to have a crush to someone.
An hour to like
someone.
And a day to love
someone.
But it takes alife time
to... forget someone
(Kahlil Gibran)
----
This
story began when I was in the SHS (Senior High School). It is my story. My love
story. It is like a crying kid that ask for a cotton candy to his mother, it is
like my love to someone out there. Yeah, pure.
There
is none of my friends care about my love story before. But, when they find a
real clue of my relationship, they were yelling at me everyday. Firstly, I did
not care about it anymore. But, in the end I miss that moment so much. The
moment when he smiles at me. The moment when my friends was yelling at me. The
moment when my and his face turn into red because ashamed on everyone in the
class. Well, I know I miss him so much.
----
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a
hope
Which then turned into
a quiet thought
Which then turned into
a quiet word
And then that word grew
louder and louder
‘til it was a battle
cry
I’ll comeback when you
call me
No need to say goodbye
(Regina Spektor - The Call)
July,
2010
It
is second semester in my study program in senior high school. My friend and I
am still standing on the grasss field. Ou, yes! We are following a flag
ceremony. I was paying attention to the teacher’s corner. There is something
strange. There are 6 persons unfamiliar. They are 2 women and 4 men. Are they
new teachers? But, hey, we have no any information about that before. Hm.. we
will see then.
In
the end of the ceremony, our headmaster announce us to still waiting on the
field. He wants us to listen his information about 6 new teachers at my school.
Consuling teacher, English teacher, Geography teacher, Physics teacher, Indonesian
teacher and Art teacher. And then, our headmaster asks them to introduce
theirselfes to us.
The
new Physic teacher is an oldest one than the other. He is about 32 years old, I
think. He tells us that he is a married man with 2 children; 1 son and 1
daughter. He came from Medan, so he is Bataknesse, and we can see it from his
face. Well, honestly he looks like an anger man. He is tall and fat enough. I
mean he is not really tall as same as he is not really fat. I think he is about
70-80 kg.
The
new Consuling and English teacher are from Palembang. They are so beautiful.
The English teacher is more taller than the Consuling teacher, but they have
the same long and straight black hair. The Art teacher is from Palembang, too.
He is tall enough and he has white skin. He looks so nervous when he introduce
his self. I know it from his gesture; he always combs his hair in about 1 time
in each 5 minutes. I also guess that he will be my Art teacher in this
semester.
The
new Indonesian teacher is a javanesse man. He is coming from Yogyakarta. My
friends shouting at him so loud, “are you married?”. And he looks so shy. In the
other side, the Geographic teacher is originally from Bangka and his house is
not far away from my school.
----
You’ve set my heart on
fire
Filled me with love
Made me a woman
On clouds above
I couldn’t get much
higher
My spirit takes flight
Cause I’m alive
(Celine Dion – I’m
Alive)
----
August,
2010
It
is a busy month. Why? It is August, guys! It is identic of an independence day.
Yups, 17th August. I, as one of students duty, emm.. OSIS. I am an
OSIS secretary, exactly. So, come home late, full of papers, no break time, are
my daily activities in this month. Is there anyone out there like me? Do you
feel so?
I
make some proposals for some yearly projects. I also need to make sure that
August projects are processing, such as carnival preparation, class and school
decoration, another independence games, and many other. I cheque every single
day of the each projects preparation, because I also need to make a report. It
is totally tired and exhausted.
----
When you move me
everything is groovy
They don’t to sue me
The way you do me
Oh I swear to ya
I’ll be there for ya
This is not a drive by
( Train – Drive By)
September,
2010
I start join a drama extracurricular.
This class is never been there before this teacher teach us. He treats us as a
pro. I do not know, which one is pro or not. But, the way he teachs us and when
I see his seriousness, I just believe him.
I want to love you simply,
In words not spoken:
Tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash.
I want to love you simply,
In signs not expressed:
Clouds to the rain which make them evanesce
(Sapardi Djoko Damono)
That
text comes to me one day, and I my self do not understand it well. I fell like
there is someone who admiring me. Is that funny? But, I do not take more response
on the text. I think it is just an error. I wont misunderstand with that
message. Especially, after I realize the sender. No! He just did not realize
that he sent the message to the wrong person. Yes, he is.
----
October,
2010
This
month is the final to the competition before I left the dance extracurricular
class. Three days competition that make my self and also my dance team adrift
and buffeted in the curious, exhausted, worried and many feelings around. He
also joins this class and help my tutor to support us. He follows every
practice we had. He joins us dance and sing along. He involves his idea to the
dance and make it better.
When
the day of the competition, he follows us. He was accompanying us, he was
supporting us from his seat. He also helps me when I feel sick or nervous. He
holds my hand to make me feel better. He protects me from the rain with his
jacket. That three days make me feel needed. And I feel there.
If I could change the destiny,
I want release every suffer, and
I’ll stand beside you forever.
Another strange message has coming
again. Why he send me this kind of text? I replied him, what do you mean?
Attachment is not like an affection.
Affection is not like love.
Love is not a case that can imagine.
People may be deliberately trying to hurt.
But do not really want to hurt.
----
November,
2010
In
the middle of this month is an important day for Moeslem. Ied Mubarak as known
as Idul Fitri. So, before holiday I need to make a proposal for one project
this month. Pesantren Kilat. It will be held in about 5 days. It is much more 2
days than a year ago. This program will be followed by all students and
teachers in the school. This program will be ended by dinner together in the
fifth day. My class, science-1 has already join with science-2 to dinner
together in the Biology class and also invite all teachers.
In
the end of project, in the end of agenda something is happen. That news... he
will be move. He will return to where he belongs to continuing his study. He
wants to take the graduated study program. How surprised I am. He cheers up my
self. He wont make me pull down my tears. But, it lied. I pretend to be dead to
endure my tears. He smiles. So do I. I smile, but not my heart. I walk out from
the room, I walk woobly. I grumble inside my heart. Why he will go? I did not
say anything yet. I walk like a foolish. I need someone to cheerish me.
Uncertainty caused the regret later in one
another day..
If hesistant, don’t ever express it..
Let it melt like a heavy rain in the
window...
I
realize, I can not being selfish if I were a couple with someone I love.
Because there is another kind of loving and understanding if I can make his
heart pounding a little fast with happiness. There are 2 hearts, not only mine,
but also his, too.
You are my sunset
Sunset that now slowly dissapear
----
I’ll never try to hold
you back
I wouldn’t try
controlling you
If it’s what you want
It’s what I want, I
want what’s best for you
And if it’s something
else that you’re looking for
I’ll be the first to
help you try
Believe me when I say
It’s hard to say
goodbye
(Celine Dion – It’s
Hard to Say Goodbye)
